Addressing Conflict at Work

Conflict at work can erode your self-confidence and make you question your career, or even your ability to provide for yourself and your family. When you have a dispute with a coworker or supervisor, it can make it hard to focus on your work. Here are some strategies for addressing conflict at work, and some red flags that could tell you it is time to leave.

This is the final part of a four-part blog series about addressing conflict in some of your most important relationships. Earlier posts dealt with family dynamics, parents’ conflict with their children, couples’ conflict in their marriage.Together, this blog series can help you navigate conflict resolution, and reduce the negative feelings in your family, at home, and now at work. 

Why Conflict at Work Can Feel Different

When you are facing unresolved conflict at work it can feel very different, and sometimes far more intense, than in other disputes. You may feel a lot of pressure to maintain your employment, and the income, prestige, and even sense of identity that go with it. Because of the hierarchies in many workplaces, conflict between coworkers – and especially with your boss – can sometimes threaten your sense of security. Those power dynamics can make it hard to raise and resolve the disputes that keep you from doing your best work. 

Recognizing the Red Flags of a Toxic Workplace Environment

Not every conflict is created equal. Depending on your industry, position, and the dynamics in your workplace, you may be supported to resolve conflict in a healthy and collaborative way, or you may feel like any dispute may be your last. You may be living with a toxic workplace environment if:

• There are not clear processes for raising and addressing conflict at work
• Team members do not communicate directly,
• There is no opportunity for feedback,
• Negative behavior faces no consequences,
• There is a lot of gossip or negativity,
• There is no trust between team members and employers, 
• People point fingers or shift blame onto others,
• Employees are treated differently or unfairly,
• Supervisors set unrealistic expectations,
• Team members are publicly criticized or disciplined,
• People are frequently leaving the company,
• You don’t have enough support, 
• You feel disrespected or unheard.

No one enjoys job hunting, but if you are seeing red flags that you are in a toxic workplace environment, you need to consider whether it is worth addressing conflict at work or whether you will be better supported in a different position. 

Addressing Conflict Between Coworkers

Personality clashes and unresolved conflict at work can make every day a challenge. If you are experiencing conflict with coworkers in the office, you should start by familiarizing yourself with your employer’s conflict resolution procedures. You may need to work with a union representative, supervisor, or Human Resources department. Work within that system to address your concerns whenever you can.

Take the time to look inside first. Understand what you are feeling, and why. Consider whether your response to your coworker’s actions are the result of your own assumptions, background, perspective, or needs. Identify what would bring a happy resolution to the conflict for you, so that you can clearly explain your needs.

Choose a time and place to address the conflict. Discuss the issue privately, at a time when you both will have time to fully address the issue. Be certain that you present the issue as something to be resolved, rather than merely a complaint. 

At the same time, be prepared to listen to the other person’s perspective as well. Actively listen to your coworker’s responses, and ask clarifying questions without arguing or defending your choices. If needed, work with a facilitator to give you and your coworker an opportunity to come to a happy resolution. 

Raising Disputes With Your Boss

When the person you are in conflict with is your superior, it can make addressing that conflict especially challenging because in many ways your boss can make or break your position and your career. Many of the same techniques for addressing conflict at work apply even when you are on different rungs of the corporate ladder. 

When resolving conflict with your boss, it is especially important that you keep the focus on finding a resolution. Stay positive and be respectful of your supervisor’s position, and the circumstances they are facing. Focus on the facts of what happened and avoid personal attacks. That way you and your supervisor can define a clearer vision for your future together on the job.

There are some extra steps you may want to consider in resolving conflict with your boss. You may need to document your interactions with your boss, keeping a record of each conversation or incident that is contributing to your dispute. In addition, you should consider involving HR or other higher-ups in the business earlier in the conflict resolution process. This can insulate you from retaliation if your supervisor does not take your criticism well. 

Work With a Psychotherapist to Address Conflict at Work

Unresolved conflict at work can put your livelihood, and your happiness on the line. If you have found yourself in a toxic workplace environment, or if you struggle to raise your voice to express your opinion at work, you can get additional support from a psychotherapist. Through short-term therapy or ongoing counseling, you can learn strategies for resolving conflict with your coworker and even your boss. 

David Stanislaw is a psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience. He helps adults  teens, and children with conflict resolution and other mental health concerns. Contact David Stanislaw to get help today.