5 Common Relationship Problems and How to Fix Them

No two relationships are the same, but there are many common relationship problems that occur again and again. If you are facing one of these issues, you may feel like your relationship is doomed to be difficult, or even fail entirely. The truth is that there are ways to fix many of these relationship problems with the help of an experienced couples counselor.

1. Recurring Arguments Create Perennial Relationship Problems

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship – romantic or otherwise. After all, conflict occurs any time two people have different priorities or want different things. But conflicts aren’t the same as arguments. If you feel like you and your partner are constantly arguing over the same things, consider evaluating what is behind the dispute. For example, frequent fights over chores may be the result of a partner feeling overtaxed or unsupported. By getting past the surface triggers for your arguments, you can identify the root causes of conflict and resolve those, reducing the recurring arguments in the process. 

2. Communication Issues Can Create Relationship Problems

You and your spouse may communicate differently. Others may stop communicating over time, assuming that everything has always been said, or that any effort to communicate may result in conflict. But healthy communication is essential for a healthy partnership that can overcome relationship problems and face difficult situations together. The good news is that communication is a skill, and you can learn better techniques with time and practice. Working with a couples counselor, both you and your spouse can find ways to:

• Recognize when communication is breaking down
• Clearly communicate their needs
• Openly discuss their feelings
• Receive information being communicated through active listening
• Minimize reactive behaviors that can shut down communication

With a wider variety of communication skills at your disposal, both you and your spouse can find ways to resolve conflict and overcome problems before they threaten the relationship.

3. Trust Issues Including Jealousy and Control

If you can’t trust your partner, it can create a serious relationship problem that can simmer beneath the surface, or erupt into a relationship-ending event. While a lack of trust can take many forms, two common expressions are jealousy and control. When one partner feels insecure or suspicious of their partner’s interactions with others, it can cause them to try to control their partner’s behaviors – who they see, where they go, and when they check in. While some small amount of jealousy can be normal among monogamous couples, when it becomes more extreme it can be extremely unhealthy, even bordering on abuse. 

To address trust issues, it is important for the distrustful spouse to understand and identify where the feelings are coming from. It may be a past relationship, a feeling of insecurity, or fear of abandonment. Then, those feelings should be clearly communicated, and both spouses should work together to find healthy coping strategies to increase trust and quiet the feelings of distrust. 

4. Financial Challenges Can Lead to Relationship Problems

Money troubles are one of the most common relationship problems couples face. In fact, financial issues are the third most common cause of divorce (after incompatibility and infidelity). Arguments around money are often based on couples feeling insecure or experiencing scarcity and unmet needs. Even when the household has sufficient income, poor spending habits, budgeting skills, or spendthrift tendencies can put a strain on the relationship. 

The best way to address financial issues is proactively. Early in the relationship, you and your partner should discuss your financial situations, including any student loans, medical debts, or credit card balances you’re bringing into the marriage. You should also look at your personal spending habits and consider financial management classes if you struggle with managing your money. If one spouse has better skills, they may take charge of the finances. However, there should still be clear communication about the family’s assets, savings, expenses, and income, to avoid creating an unhealthy power dynamic. 

5. Unclear or Unrealistic Expectations 

Many relationship problems start because spouses’ expectations about the home or family don’t line up. Sometimes, one party may have unrealistic expectations given the family’s circumstances. For example, a partner who grew up in a spotless home maintained by a cleaning person or stay-at-home parent may not realize how much work goes into maintaining that level of cleanliness. If both partners are working, their desire for a clean house may be unrealistic without additional support. In those cases, it requires the party who feels unable to meet the expectations to clearly communicate why they feel the demands are unreasonable, and for the partner with the expectation to be willing to listen and problem-solve to find a solution. 

In other cases, a partner’s expectations may shift or be unclear. These “moving goalposts” can make it feel like their spouse can never do enough to please them. Once again, communication is key. Spouses should work together to identify their priorities and expectations for the relationship, and develop a plan for how to reach them. 

Whether you struggle with communication, expectations, or boundary setting, these common relationship problems can put a strain on your relationship, making it harder to live together and love one another through the hard times. Working with a couples counselor can help both spouses to identify their needs and priorities, learn better communication and conflict resolution strategies, and find ways to address unhealthy behavior carried forward from past relationships. Together, you, your spouse, and your psychotherapist can build a strong foundation for your marriage that will hold together, even when times are hard. 

David Stanislaw is a psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience. He helps individuals and couples learn strategies for minimizing conflict in their relationships. Contact David Stanislaw to get help today.