Dealing with Unregulated Emotion

If you struggle with unregulated emotion, it may feel like you never know when something will set you off. It can affect everything from your relationships to your career. Finding strategies for dealing with unregulated emotion can help you get back into balance faster, and improve your day-to-day life.

What is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation is the feeling you get when your emotions come on so strongly you struggle to manage them. It can happen when different parts of your brain are not communicating as well as they should be. It can cause your feelings and reactions to seem stronger or out of proportion to the events causing them. You may have emotional dysregulation if you experience:

• Mood swings
• Acting impulsively
• Ongoing irritability or anger
• Detachment or numbness
• Frequent temper outbursts
• Goal-setting issues
• Overwhelm
• Feeling “out of control”
• Frequent Frustration over small problems
• Aggression or violent behavior
• Shouting, screaming, or crying
• Dissociation (feeling detached from your emotions or body)

Emotional dysregulation can vary in intensity and severity. In its more severe forms it can make it difficult for you to maintain relationships and create social problems that can affect many different parts of your life. 

Common Causes for Unregulated Emotion

There are a lot of reasons why you may struggle with unregulated emotions or emotional dysregulation, from mundane to medical. Often several factors can contribute to unregulated emotional events. 

Mental Health Conditions that Cause Emotional Dysregulation

Many mental health conditions have symptoms that make it harder to regulate emotions. If you struggle with one of these conditions, you may experience severe emotional symptoms that interfere with your everyday life:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Bipolar disorder
• Impulse-control or conduct disorders
• Personality disorders
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder

In addition, many people with a neurodivergent condition, like ADHD or autism, struggle with unregulated emotion, and may need to work harder than others to keep their emotions and reactions in line with social expectations. 

Trauma and Physical Injuries Disrupt Emotional Regulation

Physical injuries and illnesses can also make it harder to regulate your emotions. Severe emotional dysregulation is common among those who have experienced trauma. After a traumatic event, your brain can go on “high alert”, resulting in stronger emotional reactions to seemingly minor “triggers” that are connected to the trauma you suffered. 

In addition, brain injuries, tumors, infections, and other diseases can create a disconnect in the brain that makes it harder to cope with strong emotions. People with traumatic brain injuries, substance dependence, or other medical conditions may find that diagnosis comes with a reduced ability to cope with and manage their emotions. 

Life Stressors can Trigger Unregulated Emotion

Even if you don’t have a major diagnosis, difficult life circumstances can result in increased stress. Even otherwise socially adapted people can struggle to regulate emotions during periods of high stress. Life stresses like divorce, job loss, and grief, and even positive events like the birth of a new child, a new job, or relocation, can all strain your coping mechanisms and increase the chances of an unregulated emotional event. 

Strategies for Dealing with Unregulated Emotion

Emotional regulation is a skill. It involves finding healthy ways to understand and manage your emotions when they happen and reduce the disruptive impact of those feelings. The goal isn’t to avoid feeling strong emotions. It is to recognize and respond to them in socially adaptive ways. 

Most people begin to learn emotional regulation in childhood, but traumatic events, mental health challenges, adverse childhood experiences, or even having parents without strong emotional regulation skills themselves can all set you back on your emotional development. 

There are a variety of self-regulation strategies that you can try on your own to help you deal with unregulated emotion in the moment:

• Breathing exercises
• Grounding techniques (such as identifying and naming things around you)
• Physical activity (i.e. dancing, walking, or stretching)
• Sensory tools (i.e. holding ice or essential oils)
• Identifying and labeling emotions
• Self-assessment (identifying the cause)
• Time-outs (stepping away to let emotions fade)

You can also develop habits that will improve your long-term emotional regulation, such as:

• Mindfulness
• Meditation
• Journaling
• Gratitude tracking
• Stable routines
• Exercise
• Healthy eating
• Boundary setting

When to Get Help with Emotional Dysregulation

Not everyone who has strong emotions needs the help of a psychotherapist. However, if emotional dysregulation is interfering with your life, relationships, and your career, you may need to get some professional help. If you are feeling consistently overwhelmed, experience extreme mood swings, or if your emotions are beginning to get in the way of your life, it may be time to seek out support. Short-term therapy can be a great tool to teach you new and better coping techniques, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, and develop stronger resilience to negative life events. 

---

David Stanislaw is a psychotherapist with over 35 years of experience. He helps adults and couples deal with unregulated emotion through short-term therapy or ongoing counseling. Contact David Stanislaw to get help today.