Resolving Conflict with Coworkers

Tension at work can create a lot of stress, especially if you suffer with anxiety already. Resolving conflict with coworkers requires both an understanding of your company’s conflict resolution procedures, and social skills. By working with a psychotherapist to develop these skills, you can de-escalate conflict and find healthy ways to work together as colleagues. 

How Conflict with Coworkers Can Threaten Your Mental and Physical Health

From an employer’s perspective, absenteeism and high turnover is one of the biggest problems stemming from unresolved conflict in the workplace. But for employees, the problem can be far more personal. 

Conflict with coworkers can be stressful, especially if you find yourself working in a toxic working environment. When work stress is high, it can significantly impact your physical and mental health, leaving you feeling anxious, depressed, dissociated or disconnected. You may experience symptoms including:

• Headache
• Digestive issues or stomach aches
• Insomnia or sleep difficulties
• Trouble with concentration or memory
• Circulatory or coronary issues due to Inflammation or raised blood pressure
• Frequent illnesses due to a suppressed immune system
• Weight loss or gain
• Muscle tension
• Substance dependence

When these physical symptoms become severe, it can make you miss work, putting even more stress on you to complete your projects and meet employer expectations.

How a Psychotherapist Can Help in Resolving Conflict with Coworkers

You may not think you need therapy if you are having trouble resolving conflict at work. You may think that it is up to your manager or HR department to resolve the issue. While they may become involved, it is unlikely that your employer will be able to provide you with everything you need to process and resolve conflict with your coworkers. In fact, depending on the nature of the dispute, they may not get involved at all. Working with a therapist instead of, or in addition to, your company’s conflict resolution team can provide a more holistic resolution that helps you maintain a healthy mindset even when the process takes time. 

Providing a Safe Space to Express Frustration Over Conflict at Work

If you already have a relationship with a psychotherapist for short- or long-term therapy to address mental health challenges, using your regular appointments can be a great first step to resolving conflict with coworkers. Talk therapy provides a safe space for patients to express their anger, frustration, and fears around conflict at work, and to process those emotions in a way that will not threaten your mental health, or your career. 

Prioritizing Your Mental Health Over Ongoing Conflict

When you are in constant battle with an unfriendly coworker, every day may bring new conflicts, insults, and hard feelings. One way that therapy can help in resolving conflict with coworkers is by putting the disagreements into perspective. Your therapist can help you gain objectivity over the issues you are facing. That way you can decide whether it is an issue that deserves your attention, or whether it is better to allow the perceived offense to roll off your back in favor of pursuing your broader mental health goals. 

Developing Emotional Intelligence and Improving Social Skills

You can also work with your psychotherapist to develop your own conflict resolution skills that will help you defuse disputes before they can escalate into full-fledged conflict. Your therapist can use hypothetical situations, roleplaying, and other techniques to help you learn and practice: 

• Keeping a professional tone in the face of conflict
• Regulating emotions so you can remain calm even when others are upset
• Active listening 
• Problem solving techniques such as collaboration and issue-focused conversations
• Emotional intelligence to better understand your role in the conflict
• Empathy to allow you to understand the other person’s perspective

Strategizing How to Work with HR to Resolve Conflict

Even if you have the tools to resolve conflict with coworkers, sometimes you may need to escalate the situation and get your manager, HR department, or employer involved. For example, you may need to involve your employer if your coworker has done something illegal (like sexual harassment), you feel unsafe or uncomfortable addressing the issue directly, or you have tried and failed to resolve the conflict yourself. Your psychotherapist can help you identify when that line has been crossed, and can guide you through finding the internal policies and procedures to get the help you need to resolve conflict in the workplace. 

Resolving Conflict with Coworkers in a Toxic Work Environment

Unfortunately, not every employer will stand up for their employees or help them resolve conflict at work. Unhealthy or “toxic work environments” exist in every industry. Employers may lack the formal policies needed to handle the situation. Or your boss or other higher-up employees may be unwilling to do the work to bring the issue to resolution. Sometimes, the conflict may be with your boss him or herself, making it even hard to resolve the conflict. In those cases, working with a psychotherapist is especially important, because they can help you realize the role the toxic work environment or unequal power dynamic plays in your dispute, and how to protect yourself in the face of employer inaction. 

Work With a Psychotherapist to Resolve Conflict at Work

Unresolved conflict at work can put your livelihood, and your happiness on the line. If you have found yourself in a toxic workplace environment, or if you struggle to raise your voice to express your opinion at work, you can get additional support from a psychotherapist. Through short-term therapy or ongoing counseling, you can learn strategies for resolving conflict with your coworkers so you can be happy at work. 

David Stanislaw is a psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience. He helps adults  teens, and children with conflict resolution and other mental health concerns. Contact David Stanislaw to get help today.